Dear Michael,
I want to be a writer and I'm writing to you about this because we have a few things in common and I'm thinking that a lot of time friends become friends based on the things they have in common so, even if we can't be friends, maybe you can give me a little advice on the subject of writing. Namely: How to make it big? a.k.a. How to get started -or- You tell me what to do and I'm going to do it to a tee because I think you're a literary genius. Just so you know, I've read like two and a half of your books and they are fantastic! Now I know you are thinking "Really, just two and a half of my books and you think I'm a literary genius?" The short answer, yes.
The long answer is that it is not only that but, like I mentioned earlier, there are things about you and I that go together. For starters you are a dad. Guess what? I'm a dad! You like comic books. I like comic books! I mean, I used to like comic books! When I was in high school! Another thing we have in common, you are a writer...(read my mind!). I'm a writer too! It's just that nobody knows my name yet-and that is precisely where you come in.
I'm sure you are also wondering why I've only read half of that book of yours. Well, the truth of the matter is that I went back to school and they make me read other literary geniuses like Homer and Blake and O'Brien and Twain and Hemingway and Faulkner and Miller, and even though they haven't made me read any of your work quite yet (I'm sure they will, it's still early in my semester) I had to interrupt one of your books of awesome to read one of theirs. I would have stood up for your work any day of the week and boycotted reading any of the required material but, y'know, there would be a quiz later on so... Anyway, I would have written to any one of those other geniuses but you are still alive and seemed the most approachable. I mean, I don't think I could have ever been BFF's with Hemingway or Blake besides. They don't know anything about Dr. Who or Superman.
Look at me rattling on like a star struck imbecile, back to the issue at hand. What is the best route for me to travel in order to become a literary genius like yourself. Well, I guess I should say a well known literary genius. Here is my situation. I'm married and have a full time job as a photographer. A great job-to be sure. Let me make it plain: I am blessed, but being able to add "Literary Genius" on my resume instead of "photographer" I thought would look and sound so much more prestigious. They always say never miss and opportunity to better oneself. Besides the full time job I, as I mentioned earlier, am a full time dad too. My wife and I do well for ourselves in our current careers but I've always had this dream of becoming a writer in hopes to one day establish myself as a bonafied literary genius-y'know, like yourself; so I'm thinking hey, Michael Chabon is a dad and a husband and a genius writer and likes superheroes and watches TV and probably hates four way stops just as much as the next person who hates four ways stops and I'm sure he will know what to do. Like any common American citizen I am positive Mr. Chabon will want to evoke his superhero fantasies of his childhood and see me, another common American citizen, in need. Maybe not in need of saving in the same sense of being trapped under a bus, but instead being trapped underneath a life a mediocrity. I may not be drowning in an undercurrent of river water, but instead am gasping for air at a job equal to that of stagnate water.
Since I think I've clearly shown just how absolutely normal a person I am and that if I lived in the same school district as you, and your kiddos, we would most certainly be co-members of the local PTA together (if not best friends) and hopefully you will understand and help out a friend in need (if not, at least a fellow common American).
Well, I've got to go start dinner for my family (as I'm sure you have to as well if it's around six or so in the evening when you read this), in the mean time I will await your response. I know you are a busy person but please get back to me ASAP, the world is always in need of another literary genius, like yourself.
Sincerely,
brandon hayman (future literary genius)
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